One of the very few words that we all try to define with a universal definition but varies profoundly from person to person hence making the whole notion subjective and vague is love. Therefore, my ideology of love might not be the same as yours. One of the few reasons why I have stopped sharing my insights was because the majority I open up to cannot understand my outlook on love. There are different variants of love in a relationship, caring love, dominant love, submissive love, long-distance love, worldly love, corporeal love, and emotional love. Regardless of the relationship and the beliefs of mine or yours, we cannot say it is love or isn’t because that might be their idealistic version of a happy union.
Some may say love is when you shower each other with materialistic articles, for one it could be the simple act of taking the time to prepare a meal, for another it could be spending quality time which another might say is being clingy or possessive, and someone else might only know how to show love through physical touch. Despite the diverse approaches, one can bestow love in all those above-mentioned ways, according to Gary Chapman. His book on the 5 love languages, he states the various ways one can show love.
- words of affirmation,
- quality time,
- receiving gifts,
- acts of service,
- physical touch.
Yet again, these are only some of the methods one can confer love. Because as much as one can make someone else feel loved and cared through these, love is a combination of all of the above, and more. Love in the presence of silence, which is an act of non-verbal communication, is love too. Understanding each other is the ultimate act of love because then you can finally connect on a deeper level that surpasses all other states of love. Once you understand that love isn’t just the need to perform those five acts of love languages and constantly remind each other that they love them by words of affirmation or invading their personal space but instead start trusting them is love. Trust is a double-edged sword that one can use in a relationship for the better or for worse. You can use it to provide them the freedom they desire and use your solitude wisely or weaponize trust and use it to destroy the other soul by generating thoughts of doubt and suspicion guided by your insecurities.
I have told several people throughout the years what I yearn in a relationship. One such person I opened up to was my mother who laughed at my “silliness” and told me to lower my standards. The other person blatantly took the love for granted. Then again, there is a fine line between understanding love and furnishing the person room to grow and breathe as well as taking that for granted and weaponizing the said freedom to hurt the other. Letting each other be their own person and maintain each other’s individuality is in itself love. Love for me is when you understand each other very well that being in silence is not an act of hate, despise, or a pending doom but simply, the state of being themselves and enjoying the solitude. The loudness of your surroundings, the voices, even the hum of a fan can get irritating sometimes, and for me, I would search for a tranquil place to go and seek solace. Sometimes the chatter, laughter of your friends, and colleagues alone can be overwhelming, and I would find comfort in the fresh air of an open space being alone. Yet I would get bombarded with questions from my peers, not realizing that I very much relish my being alone. Likewise, in a relationship too, one can get overwhelmed by the other party, and that is normal. If I ask my mom what love is, for her, it is a completely different notion than of my colleagues, and if I ask a colleague of mine what love is, yet again it is very different than mine. Hence, I find it very challenging to open up to anyone because no one is capable of understanding my opinions. For my colleagues ( not speaking on behalf of all ) love is a time-consuming activity that drains you from your everyday activities. It can take up most of your day, and some even compare it to taking up an extra module as it is very challenging. Countless hours of texting, calling, routine meetups, and over the cause of the relationship, you are not two different people, you are one blob of a mess who is unable to differentiate your own identity from theirs. It is a proven fact, over time, you start to talk, behave, and act like your loved one but, it doesn’t mean you should completely lose your identity and your essence of who you are. Having a personal life is an absurdity in the relationships around me. If I confide in my friend in no time does her/ his partner knows about my deepest darkest secrets too. I have seen way too many relationships as such,and even the thought of it suffocates me. It would be like a 2 in 1 package with such people. They would slowly start losing friends and interests in what they did earlier and make their whole life about the new person of interest, which is typical, I assume. It would be like the honeymoon phase for the first few months until you slowly start losing interest because now there is nothing further about your partner because they have spent the first half of their relationship completely merging themselves. Love as such can be very tiring and exhausting, and it shouldn’t be like that. It should be enjoyable and freeing. There are many trivial things as such that I find uncomfortable and pointless in relationships but then again, that is my opinion.
My beliefs can be very idealistic, yet I find comfort knowing that there is at least one person out there who had preached the same as what I desire in life, making me feel ok to have such idolizations of love. Tumbling upon Osho quotes was probably the best thing that happened to me as it makes me feel sane, knowing that I am not alone, and there might be someone out there who else feels the same. Even though my view on life is having personal space and understanding each other’s needs and wants, it might not be the same for the other person conceiving a clash in opinions hence making them incompatible for a lasting relationship.
Love is not the act of being clingy, possessive, controlling nor can it be measured by the number of gifts one gives, dates you go, the value of what they give nor it is restricting their happiness, freedom, reaching goals, and targets,( be it going out with friends, traveling, academically or occupation wise), love is not falling for what they do, wear or look like, it is a mutual understanding and an emotional connection based on trust and love that can surpass all levels of intimacy. Love is not the act of constantly confirming, reassuring your love nor proving it on a day-to-day basis with words of affirmation but it is the understanding that it goes much deeper than that. Love is letting each other explore themselves and the world around them while nurturing each other’s minds and souls. It is a very complicated word to describe probably because it is a feeling and a state of being rather than a bookish theory. A very simple and enjoyable state to be with the right person and with the correct mindset.
